Lately I’ve been having such a rough time with things. Things in the Vanessa-Tamara-Kyle love triangle came to a head, and somehow the conclusion came out to be that Kyle was forgiven and Vanessa politely told me to fuck off and that she was taking him over me. The wounds are still fresh, and everything and everyone is taking their joy at picking them. After eleven years, this is what I get, I suppose. I’ve tried to put things into perspective but have failed, so I tried to write my feelings out and ended up with this:

Despair Part I; Vanessa

From the moment that I met you,
I knew you had my heart.
There was something in your eyes
That just had me from the start.
I never understood why
You wanted to be my friend,
But I never ever doubted
We’d last forever in the end.
You were always the better
Half of the unit that was us two,
You always had the solution
And you always knew what to do.
I was invariably the dark one,
And you countered that with light,
We never failed to compromise
even when neither of us was right.
I always believed in your dream,
Even when I couldn’t believe in mine,
I would have moved the moon for you,
I would even have stopped time.

One day without me knowing,
You changed your mind about me.
You shrouded me with a cloak of lies,
Then pointed and laughed with glee.
You ripped the heart right from my chest
And all the while it still beated.
You kicked me and punched me with
Your fraud until I was defeated.
I cannot express to you in words
The pain that I did feel.
Sometimes I woke myself in tears
And wondered if it was real.

They say that wounds heal with time,
But I just don’t think that that’s true.
My life is just an incomplete puzzle,
And the piece that’s missing is you.
I cannot sway your decision and
There’s no use for me to try,
I just hope that you realize you
Swapped our friendship for a lie.

It’s still rough… considering it’s the first poem I’ve written in a very long time, I’m pleased with it. I’m going to leave it a couple days and then revise, but there we go.