Life has gotten so far away from me. I didn’t even realize how late we were into June, or that it was even June at all, until this morning when I was making plans for my vacation time and saw how close it is. It’s kind of funny how that is. I’ve been so stressed from everything that’s been happening, and of course the stress is making me ill, so I find that my attention span is… lacking, to say the least. Hopefully now that things are possibly calming down, I can catch up. I hate feeling out of control of the things in my life. I hate that feeling of spiraling and not being able to stop.

Work is a constant source of stress. I’m trying to ignore all of the drama, but it just doesn’t seem to be working. I’ve begun to actually loathe the idea entirely of going to work. Which… for me is pretty big because I used to really love my job. My new manager, Mike, is never around. When he is, he’s off on his own planet and when I try to talk to him about the problems I’m having, I can barely get two words out of my mouth before he runs off again. My new support manager Brandon, is (as Bryce so eloquently put it) a bird brain. He doesn’t think things through, and more often than not, I have to call him and tell him I’m unable to do the task he’s given me because there is either no room to put the merchandise out or he’s given me no direction. I would normally figure things out for myself, but all changes have to have managerial approval, or else I get in trouble. Which… doesn’t make sense to me because they’re always nagging us to take the initiative. My other support manager, Ron, is a hardcore racist and talks trash about everyone, including me, even through I’ve never done anything to him to warrant that kind of treatment. Things with co-workers are getting worse as well. There are two individuals in particular that just… eat at my nerves. I understand that neither of them like me, which is fine. Lots of people don’t like me, and it’s something I’ve come to terms with it. The problem that I’m having is that the both of them are so immature about it, and they’re over twice my age. It’s hard to deal with because I don’t know how to respond. I’m being polite and professional and trying to ignore them, but it’s getting progressively worse and I don’t know how to handle it. I’ve never really been in this kind of situation and it aggravates me. I’m going to corner Mike and tell him about it. I’ll block the door until he talks to me.

After a particularly stressful night last night, I went for a walk downtown this morning to enjoy the nice weather. Along my travels, I ducked into the book store and picked up a copy of The Stranger Beside Me by Ann Rule, and the premier issue of a delightful tattoo culture magazine called Bound By Ink. The new Anita Blake novel is out, but I won’t be able to afford it for awhile, which depressed me a bit. Hardcovers are so expensive, and most of my favourite authors come out with hardcovers. Usually I’m not patient enough for the soft covers, but it looks like this time I might have to be.

I’ve been listening to this song a lot… and it’s striking chords inside of me that I didn’t even know I had. I think I’m in love. <3

I had such a bad night at work. I keep thinking, and holding onto the hope, that things are going to get better. I keep waiting for all of the changes I was promised, all of the positive leaps forward that were supposed to occur. So far, nothing. Our new manager has done nothing that he promised, and it feels like he’s gone backwards instead of forwards. For one… he plays favourites. The more you brown nose, the better you’re treated and the more perks you get. Hope is the worst, and I’ve taken to calling her The Brown Nose Supreme. She has her head shoved so far up Darren’s ass, it’s hard to tell where he ends, and her lard ass begins. It’s pathetic, and annoying, because all of the special treatment she gets from him gives her this sense of entitlement and authority that she just… doesn’t have. She has no right to come over into my department and boss me around. Fuck that. I would die before I took orders from her. For second… he cannot be trusted. I was talking to Kelly tonight while we were working, and she was telling me that she made the mistake of confiding him. He went and regurgitated what she said and it has caused tension between her and the people she spoke to him about. He has also done nothing for Melanie. The poor girl has had so many problems with The Brown Nose Supreme, and he’s done nothing. Absolutely nothing.

So, I’ve applied to take a position on the day shift. If I get it, it will be a pay deduction, but it will get me away from The Brown Nose Supreme and the stress of being helpless and ignored. I want to have a life, too. Working nights and sleeping all day… my life is non-existent outside of work. I would like to join the world again.

On my day off, I decided to take a walk, and was delighted to see that the local vegetation was starting to bloom. I was so thrilled, because it means spring is in full swing and I’m going to have a nice green summer. I had to take pictures, because I’m a lamer like that. Forgive the quality… my cellphone was all I had.

I need to get outside more, I think. Lather on the SPF 110 (need to maintain that pallor) and go hiking. Maybe I’ll do that next Tuesday.