So the new layout is finally up, and I’m really liking this one. There’s still a few kinks to be worked out, of course, and I might change a couple things here and there. Please let me know what you think of the new design.

I spent my vacation mostly just lazing around. I was rather disappointed in myself, considering all of the goals I set out for myself this past week. I didn’t even accomplish one. Which makes me inwardly reflect and I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m just… horrible with goals and “to-do” lists and tasks outside of work. Once work is over, it’s like that part of my brain shuts down and commands me to DO ABSOLUTELY NOTHING until it’s time to return to work. I hate it. I really, really hate it because I’ve always prided myself on being task oriented and being someone who could just bust out and get things done. It seems that I’m not like that anymore. I’m going to try to be… I just wish I had something that would really motivate me.

I found out last night that I’m getting my inheritance next week. I was kind of confused as to why… I was under the impression that you only receive inheritance when someone has passed on, but apparently not. As sad as taking this money makes me, I’m extremely grateful. I can’t help but feel that this is the cosmos’ way of giving me a gentle boot to the ass to take care of and get my business in order. I’m going to be able to pay off several of my debts, get new glasses and invest in a gym membership. Which… is a huge breath of fresh air. A lifted weight.

David and I might be moving again. -_- This time, right out of town, into the boonies. I’m not really thrilled about it, considering it would take me out of my comfort zone completely… I really don’t want to do it. I hate moving. I always promised myself that if David and I did ever move again, it would be into our own roommate free house. I don’t want to say ‘no’ until I’ve actually seen the house… but my guts are telling me that this isn’t the time. Especially to out there. I moved into town to get away from the isolation… I’m not ready to move back into it.

So I’m late getting to bed, so I’ll wrap this up by leaving you with some brain food:

Life has gotten so far away from me. I didn’t even realize how late we were into June, or that it was even June at all, until this morning when I was making plans for my vacation time and saw how close it is. It’s kind of funny how that is. I’ve been so stressed from everything that’s been happening, and of course the stress is making me ill, so I find that my attention span is… lacking, to say the least. Hopefully now that things are possibly calming down, I can catch up. I hate feeling out of control of the things in my life. I hate that feeling of spiraling and not being able to stop.

Work is a constant source of stress. I’m trying to ignore all of the drama, but it just doesn’t seem to be working. I’ve begun to actually loathe the idea entirely of going to work. Which… for me is pretty big because I used to really love my job. My new manager, Mike, is never around. When he is, he’s off on his own planet and when I try to talk to him about the problems I’m having, I can barely get two words out of my mouth before he runs off again. My new support manager Brandon, is (as Bryce so eloquently put it) a bird brain. He doesn’t think things through, and more often than not, I have to call him and tell him I’m unable to do the task he’s given me because there is either no room to put the merchandise out or he’s given me no direction. I would normally figure things out for myself, but all changes have to have managerial approval, or else I get in trouble. Which… doesn’t make sense to me because they’re always nagging us to take the initiative. My other support manager, Ron, is a hardcore racist and talks trash about everyone, including me, even through I’ve never done anything to him to warrant that kind of treatment. Things with co-workers are getting worse as well. There are two individuals in particular that just… eat at my nerves. I understand that neither of them like me, which is fine. Lots of people don’t like me, and it’s something I’ve come to terms with it. The problem that I’m having is that the both of them are so immature about it, and they’re over twice my age. It’s hard to deal with because I don’t know how to respond. I’m being polite and professional and trying to ignore them, but it’s getting progressively worse and I don’t know how to handle it. I’ve never really been in this kind of situation and it aggravates me. I’m going to corner Mike and tell him about it. I’ll block the door until he talks to me.

After a particularly stressful night last night, I went for a walk downtown this morning to enjoy the nice weather. Along my travels, I ducked into the book store and picked up a copy of The Stranger Beside Me by Ann Rule, and the premier issue of a delightful tattoo culture magazine called Bound By Ink. The new Anita Blake novel is out, but I won’t be able to afford it for awhile, which depressed me a bit. Hardcovers are so expensive, and most of my favourite authors come out with hardcovers. Usually I’m not patient enough for the soft covers, but it looks like this time I might have to be.

I’ve been listening to this song a lot… and it’s striking chords inside of me that I didn’t even know I had. I think I’m in love. <3