I spent my vacation mostly just lazing around. I was rather disappointed in myself, considering all of the goals I set out for myself this past week. I didn’t even accomplish one. Which makes me inwardly reflect and I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m just… horrible with goals and “to-do” lists and tasks outside of work. Once work is over, it’s like that part of my brain shuts down and commands me to DO ABSOLUTELY NOTHING until it’s time to return to work. I hate it. I really, really hate it because I’ve always prided myself on being task oriented and being someone who could just bust out and get things done. It seems that I’m not like that anymore. I’m going to try to be… I just wish I had something that would really motivate me.

I found out last night that I’m getting my inheritance next week. I was kind of confused as to why… I was under the impression that you only receive inheritance when someone has passed on, but apparently not. As sad as taking this money makes me, I’m extremely grateful. I can’t help but feel that this is the cosmos’ way of giving me a gentle boot to the ass to take care of and get my business in order. I’m going to be able to pay off several of my debts, get new glasses and invest in a gym membership. Which… is a huge breath of fresh air. A lifted weight.

David and I might be moving again. -_- This time, right out of town, into the boonies. I’m not really thrilled about it, considering it would take me out of my comfort zone completely… I really don’t want to do it. I hate moving. I always promised myself that if David and I did ever move again, it would be into our own roommate free house. I don’t want to say ‘no’ until I’ve actually seen the house… but my guts are telling me that this isn’t the time. Especially to out there. I moved into town to get away from the isolation… I’m not ready to move back into it.

So I’m late getting to bed, so I’ll wrap this up by leaving you with some brain food:

Work is a constant source of stress. I’m trying to ignore all of the drama, but it just doesn’t seem to be working. I’ve begun to actually loathe the idea entirely of going to work. Which… for me is pretty big because I used to really love my job. My new manager, Mike, is never around. When he is, he’s off on his own planet and when I try to talk to him about the problems I’m having, I can barely get two words out of my mouth before he runs off again. My new support manager Brandon, is (as Bryce so eloquently put it) a bird brain. He doesn’t think things through, and more often than not, I have to call him and tell him I’m unable to do the task he’s given me because there is either no room to put the merchandise out or he’s given me no direction. I would normally figure things out for myself, but all changes have to have managerial approval, or else I get in trouble. Which… doesn’t make sense to me because they’re always nagging us to take the initiative. My other support manager, Ron, is a hardcore racist and talks trash about everyone, including me, even through I’ve never done anything to him to warrant that kind of treatment. Things with co-workers are getting worse as well. There are two individuals in particular that just… eat at my nerves. I understand that neither of them like me, which is fine. Lots of people don’t like me, and it’s something I’ve come to terms with it. The problem that I’m having is that the both of them are so immature about it, and they’re over twice my age. It’s hard to deal with because I don’t know how to respond. I’m being polite and professional and trying to ignore them, but it’s getting progressively worse and I don’t know how to handle it. I’ve never really been in this kind of situation and it aggravates me. I’m going to corner Mike and tell him about it. I’ll block the door until he talks to me.

After a particularly stressful night last night, I went for a walk downtown this morning to enjoy the nice weather. Along my travels, I ducked into the book store and picked up a copy of The Stranger Beside Me by Ann Rule, and the premier issue of a delightful tattoo culture magazine called Bound By Ink. The new Anita Blake novel is out, but I won’t be able to afford it for awhile, which depressed me a bit. Hardcovers are so expensive, and most of my favourite authors come out with hardcovers. Usually I’m not patient enough for the soft covers, but it looks like this time I might have to be.

I’ve been listening to this song a lot… and it’s striking chords inside of me that I didn’t even know I had. I think I’m in love. <3

I personally believe that every day should be Earth Day, but that’s just me I guess. LOL. Anyway, I hope everyone has a good Earth Day, and starts to take steps to guide us into a greener tomorrow.

Real blog post in the next couple of days… need to sleep now.

There is my “I love myself!” moment for today. Gotta love it.

I passed my evaluations at work with flying colours. I was actually surprised, because I’m apparently doing much better than I thought. Jason told me that I was actually in the higher areas of the spectrum, and he appreciated me being on the team because I was one of the only employees who listened to directions, did what I was told and actually worked instead of socialized. He said that he noticed my absence when I wasn’t working, and that I was one of his “go-to gals.” My only demerit was that I’m too quiet. Which made me internally roll my eyes, because at almost every job that I’ve ever had, that’s always been a point of contention. I’m not worried about it, but it kind of burned me a bit. I’m a quiet person, and on my breaks I’d rather read then engage in loud, vulgar, useless conversations with my co-workers. I don’t see why that’s a problem. I’d rather just get my work done and go home than stand around, chat and accomplish nothing. Ah well. That little point aside, it was good for my ego to feel appreciated. I needed a good boost.

My cat Elizabeth Bathory is pregnant. Which… I’m confused as to when that occurred. The father is either the stray that keeps breaking into my house (he broke through the window – I’ve named him Nathan Explosion because that’s who he reminds me of), or my little baby boy Lucifer. Though… I’m hoping it’s Lucifer, because if it isn’t… Mr. Nathan Explosion will have fathered three litters of kittens in my neighbourhood that I know of, and I have a kitten from each of the previous litters. After the kittens are born, Kaylie is going to help me to pay for having Elizabeth Bathory, Lucifer and Pickles fixed. Pickles isn’t old enough yet, but by the time we get through the first two, he should be. I’ve been speaking to friends, and I have homes already for three of them. I don’t think that my girl is going to have many babies. I’m waiting patiently for them to arrive… I’m excited. And you know… I really can’t help but be excited. I love cats. However… I feel awful, because I should have taken better precautions to prevent this situation. It was something I should have taken care of a long time ago, and I’ve given myself a good mental flogging over it. I know the friends that I’ve spoken to will provide good homes for the kittens.

Lately I’ve been listening to a lot of music that I used to be into when I was in early high school, just out of random boredom, and I must say that my favourite rediscovery is silverchair. I was a huge fan of these guys when I was younger, especially after Neon Ballroom came out. This is one of my favourite songs from that album:

I still even know all of the words.

That just… completely made my day. I’m completely amazed, because a couple of years ago, this would have greatly offended me. I’m glad that I’ve come to a point in my life where I can accept myself as a big girl, and have a sense of humor about it. Thinking about it… if I was ever offered the chance to be a skinny girl, I don’t think I’d go for it. I have always been and always will be a big girl. My bone structure dictates that of me and that’s not something that I can change. It’s taken me almost twenty-two years, but I think I’ve finally accepted that. It makes me happy, because my curves finally make me feel sexy. I want my big hips and my big chest, and I wouldn’t trade them for anything. My fitness goals are no longer to be that skinny chick that I’ve always idealized, but to instead be healthy.

This year has already had a lot of promise, and I just… feel this swell of joy because I know that so many good things are still to come.

One of the good things to come is that I finally was able to book my tattoo appointment with Trevor, and I was able to secure my birthday. The tattoo itself is going to take multiple sessions; one for line work and the other for colour/shading. When it’s done, it should span my entire right forearm. I’m really excited, because Trevor is an amazing artist and I know from his excitement about the design, he’s going to do some good work for me. The design I settled on is the “Draco Rosa” from Alchemy Gothic. This is what it looks like:

Not the highest quality image, but I just fell in love with it. Hopefully this will be the first tattoo in a series of many with Trevor… we click and I can converse with him, which was something I didn’t have with Tuesday or Brian. I like to feel comfortable with my artist, not judged.

Because of my stupid hospital visits, I had to postpone my True Blood/Vampire Diaries marathon until my next set of days off. Which was a bummer, because I was looking forward to vegging out on the couch with my chocolate cake. There’s always next week. But I have something new to look forward too, as well. On Friday, I’m taking Kaylie to see New Moon (her first time seeing it, my second), and then to dinner at our favourite coffee/tea shop. I never leave the house anymore, so this should be fun.

Lately I’ve been reading a lot of Otep’s blog, and the other day, she had something really cool that I thought I’d share:

I love science, and I thought that that was pretty cool.

I’m not looking forward to work. Hopefully the next time I blog, the new site design will be up. I’m crossing my fingers.

“Meet Me On The Equinox” by Death Cab For Cutie -the theme song for the New Moon movie. I’m kind of iffy about it. It’s growing on me every time I listen to it, but I don’t think it can compare to Paramore’s “Decode.” I don’t know. Time will tell.

So, I’ve decided that I’m going to stick with WordPress. I was fiddling with the code on the template I had made previously, the one that was supposed to go up instead of this one… and by removing one line of code, it actually started to look like I wanted it to. So I’m going to fiddle with it some more… see if I can get it presentable enough to put up. As far as projects go… the Black Bird fanlisting is done and open. If you’re a fan of the series, please join. I would really appreciate it. There’s still a lot to be done on it, but the basic skeleton is there. I’ll add the meaty bits later on.

So, I start work tonight at midnight. I’m extremely apprehensive. I had my orientation yesterday, and it went surprisingly well. I have to remember to review my associate handbook and get all of my payroll and whatnot filled out before I get picked up tonight. Not to mention my bus fare for getting home. I’m not sure when the bus comes… if I can’t find my schedule I’ll just walk home. It’s a long walk, but I could use the exercise. Knowing my luck, I’d be sitting and waiting at the bus stop for a bajillion hours, like when I worked at Zellers. I’m pretty confident that everything is going to go smoothly… my managers are wonderful and they don’t make me nervous. Usually my bosses make me nervous, but not this time around. Which I’m taking to be a good sign.

My face is still really swollen from my piercing. I think when Sarah gets up to go to school, I’m going to sneak out and watch Cold Case Files with an ice pack on my face. Ugh.

I found that to be extremely relaxing. Just made me all the more determined to (sometime in my life time) learn to scuba dive and dive amongst the marine wildlife. Or maybe it’s just something that has to do with me being a Pisces… I don’t know. LOL. I could watch this for hours, though.

So, my beloved rain did come. When I heard the first droplets hit the lawn, my heart was so elated it almost burst from my chest. It rained for the entire night, and on and off for the next day… and it’s been pleasantly cool ever since. It was rather nice to go outside after the rain was over and just… smell the air and walk on the wet lawn. The new air conditioning unit was installed (and my goodness, it is so lovely!), and the back flow of the air has made everything on the front veranda pleasantly cool as well. I spent some time on the front veranda with Tamara earlier (as my David and my little brother decided to have some absinthe shots and I didn’t want to partake) and the combination of the air conditioner and the rain air was absolutely blissful. Hopefully it stays nice like this into next week.

I think it’s fair to say that Kyle and I are no longer on speaking terms. Not that I care much, considering the deceitful, vicious bastard that he is. It just makes me a bit sad, because if he and Vanessa decide to take their relationship to the next level (ie marriage or children), it would be awkward. Things between her and I are already strained because of problems with him. I know for a fact that he’s cheating and she refuses to believe it. Sometimes I wonder if it would have been better if I’d just kept my mouth shut, but I can’t change that now. He’s moving in with her down in Surrey, and thought I hate to wish for something ill, I hope that this decision is their undoing. Considering that in the past, it always has been. She deserves better. Much, much better. Ah well. Kaylie and I are moving him down there before the end of the month, so that should be interesting, to say the least.

Alright, off to bed for me. Hopefully tomorrow will be quiet here, so I can actually get some computer stuff done. I’m thinking about renewing this domain name and switching host companies to a green energy hosting provider. But, we’ll see. :)  I hope everyone in internet land is well.

I just had to share that with everyone.

Lately I just… have been leaving the computer alone. A couple of projects I really wanted to start… well, I didn’t get approval for the go-ahead, so I’ve been a little bummed about that. I’ve got my fingers crossed for one more project… hopefully it comes through. I’ve been in such a funk as of late, with all that’s going on.. I wish I had the desire to get my life back in order. Since I lost my job at the end of February, I’ve been kind of just… floating around. I haven’t really have any motivation, or drive to do anything whatsoever. It’s horrible, and I wish I could get out of it.

So, I’ve decided, to get out of my funk, I’m going to actually force myself to do things. So on Wednesday, before my sister comes over, I’m going up to the employment services to do my resume, and then to the government building to apply for medical. After that, I’m going to pop over to the mall and collect some applications to fill out. I’m going to appeal to Zellers, which was one of my first jobs ages and ages ago, to work graveyards. I’m up all night anyways, right, so why not? And they’re always looking for graveyard workers. :? Hopefully my job search goes better than my previous ones.

Something else that I’m hoping will get me out of my funk… I have a tattoo appointment on the 30th, which I’m super excited about. I haven’t decided what I’m going to get yet… I’m thinking the top part of my sleeve, maybe something on my forearm. I’m trying to look up designs, and hopefully I’ll decide on something I like.