I had such a bad night at work. I keep thinking, and holding onto the hope, that things are going to get better. I keep waiting for all of the changes I was promised, all of the positive leaps forward that were supposed to occur. So far, nothing. Our new manager has done nothing that he promised, and it feels like he’s gone backwards instead of forwards. For one… he plays favourites. The more you brown nose, the better you’re treated and the more perks you get. Hope is the worst, and I’ve taken to calling her The Brown Nose Supreme. She has her head shoved so far up Darren’s ass, it’s hard to tell where he ends, and her lard ass begins. It’s pathetic, and annoying, because all of the special treatment she gets from him gives her this sense of entitlement and authority that she just… doesn’t have. She has no right to come over into my department and boss me around. Fuck that. I would die before I took orders from her. For second… he cannot be trusted. I was talking to Kelly tonight while we were working, and she was telling me that she made the mistake of confiding him. He went and regurgitated what she said and it has caused tension between her and the people she spoke to him about. He has also done nothing for Melanie. The poor girl has had so many problems with The Brown Nose Supreme, and he’s done nothing. Absolutely nothing.

So, I’ve applied to take a position on the day shift. If I get it, it will be a pay deduction, but it will get me away from The Brown Nose Supreme and the stress of being helpless and ignored. I want to have a life, too. Working nights and sleeping all day… my life is non-existent outside of work. I would like to join the world again.

On my day off, I decided to take a walk, and was delighted to see that the local vegetation was starting to bloom. I was so thrilled, because it means spring is in full swing and I’m going to have a nice green summer. I had to take pictures, because I’m a lamer like that. Forgive the quality… my cellphone was all I had.

I need to get outside more, I think. Lather on the SPF 110 (need to maintain that pallor) and go hiking. Maybe I’ll do that next Tuesday.

So at the end of last month, I got my dragon tattoo finished. I’m quite pleased with how it ended up. The colouring is not what we were going to go with originally, but after lots of discussion and looking at different inks and whatnot, this is what I decided on. It’s going to need touch ups, but overall… I’m quite pleased.

The scabs have almost all fallen off now, which is a blessing… I’ve had difficultly this time around. I think out of all my tattoo work, this one ended up being the one that bled the most, and was the most itchy during the healing process. Next up… my Hellraiser sleeve. I’m excited.

These last few weeks have been hectic and maddening. Work has been driving me up the wall… I looking into applying for a different position. As much as I love working nights and having the freedoms that brings, I’m sick and tired of the drama that is going on during my shift. It’s like I’m living in an episode of The Hills. Too much drama. And the friend I thought I had made… turns out I really, really cannot stand her. She makes fun of me for my stance on animals rights and my desire to be vegan, and she mispronounces Rammstein, because she knows it annoys me. More often than not I just want to punch her in the head. But… I’ve decided to stick with her, because when she’s not being an ass, we do actually get on quite well and she does make me laugh.

The new birth control I’m on is causing quite a stir in my systems. I’m only supposed to get my period once every three months, and not even the end of my first month, it hit me in the middle of work and I’ve been suffering maliciously at the hands of cramps and PMS ever since. I’m going to let this one pass though, and keep going on it, because it did say in the leaflet that I might get my period while my system gets used to the hormones. If it happens again, however… I will be taking it up with the doctor and getting onto something else. Curse you, fickle female human body.

Anyone who knows me knows that I don’t respond well to being hit on, or complimented. I just… don’t really respond at all, because in all honesty… I don’t really know how. It think it’s because I’ve been bullied so much about who I am and how I look, I can’t seem to tell the difference between sarcasm and sincerity. So I just… shut myself off to it. It also doesn’t help that in my relationships, they’ve always been really serious almost immediately and when I was single, I never actively looked for girl/boyfriend, so I never really did much of that… reading the mating calls of others stuff. I can’t tell if people are actually legitimately hitting on me, making fun of me, or just being nice. My friend Dave is one of these people. With him, I just cannot tell if he’s making a move on me, or if he’s just being nice. He’s always calling me pet names, like darling or sweetie, and he leans into me when we’re on the couch or finds some way to brush his arm past mine or touch my shoulder or something. I don’t even know if he’s conscious of doing it. I am always aware of it, because when it happens, my brain freezes and it’s like “OMGWHATDIDHEJUSTDOTHERE.” Tonight, he did something he’s never done before – he kissed me on top of my head. I don’t know what to make of it, or if there is anything to make of it. Maybe I’m just being a paranoid idiot, I don’t know. He is my friend, so I don’t want to stir something up over nothing and lose him. But on the other hand, if he is making passes at me, I don’t want to lead him on in any way. I wish people were programmed with something like the Shinigami eyes from Death Note. Instead of life expectancies and names however, it would read peoples’ intentions. So much easier.

I’m working on the new layout right now. I have high hopes for how it’s going to turn out. Hopefully I’ll have that up within the next week or so. I have my fingers crossed.